I’m re-watching The Witcher right now on Netflix and if you haven’t read the books, I would highly recommend them. I think they’re so creative, so clever, and the world building is really good.
When I was watching it, I was at the gym and leaving out the back door opens up into this really janky looking alleyway. I couldn’t help but feel like on the outside, my face showed heavy disappointment and then that made me think to myself—am I disappointed? And in what am I disappointed in?
It just got me thinking that like, yeah I was a little bit let down, you know coming from being so absorbed in this incredible world, which I think they did such a good job bringing The Witcher to life, it becomes so all encompassing that I just couldn’t help but walk out the door into this world, our world, that I’m more and more disappointed in every single day by the decisions we make as a society. And, so I thought to myself, I just wish that there was a little Magic in this world and that I could just believe in a little Magic. And at first I took that thought literally, that I wish there was real Magic in this world and while I do think that would be pretty freaking awesome I think what I really meant is I wish that there were things in this world that I could believe in, and that there’s other types of Magic that I believe in, but yet I can’t grasp them and apply them into my own life.
For example, a type of Magic I wish I could have is this very creative, fulfilling life outside of being a mother and a partner (which those are very fulfilling to me). There’s this part of me that does work that I don’t believe in, in an industry that I don’t believe in, and in a country that I no longer believe in. I wish that I could live out this dream of mine of living and having a creative life, of creating beautiful things that other people want to bring into their lives and into their homes, whether that’s through my writing, whether that’s through the Rolodexes I create and I want to be able to do it full-time and I want to be able to have it be this major part of my life and have that be the Magic in my life. The Magic I want to feel is like I’m creating something that is positive and I’m creating something that is so meaningful to other people and I’m creating something that maybe we’ll even last generations and contribute a little bit to the Magic of this world that I think we’re losing every single day.
We’re losing the ability to be giddy and carefree and maybe nonsensical and be believers in Magic and I want to believe in it too and every day that goes by that my dream that I work towards and it doesn’t come true every day that it goes by I believe less and less in that possibility of Magic.
Then sometimes I’m reminded—I go online and I see people out there that seem to be living their truest lives as their truest selves and they seem to be at one with their most creative self, and I believe a little more And I try to take that into my own life and take that belief and that you know it will happen, it will happen…and it doesn’t and I want to keep believing. What keeps me going in this pursuit of creativity, but it does get harder and harder every day, but all I can believe is that someday I will be blessed with the Magic and in whatever way that that might be.